No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
