I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
