When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
