Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
