Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
