I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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