can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
