Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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