It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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