Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
