Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
