Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
