It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
