so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
