matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
