called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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