Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
