At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
