Dignity is for republicans.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
