well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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