That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
