HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
