You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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