I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
