Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
