Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
