Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
