the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
