I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
