My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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