Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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