So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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