and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
