why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
