Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
