He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
