Please, let me fuck your mom
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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