Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
