Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Randomize
