The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
