everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
