does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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