i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
