sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
