I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
