we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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