I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
