Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
