I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
