he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
