I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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