So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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